This is a statement I hear almost every day from not only my clients but in general as well. People live their lives with these pre-conceived notions and focus on what is not good with them or in them. This makes me wonder how does a person get this knowledge about him.

While working with my client Ms. Khan, I got more answers to my questions. I asked “Ms. Khan, what brought you here to me?” She replied, “I am not good enough, I am not a good person, I cannot control my anger, I cannot talk to people in a nice way, I am not good looking, I am fat, I am not a good business person and I am not educated so I cannot communicate with people on various topics.” She kept on her list of NOT GOODs going on and on and on.

I told her to take a break and a deep breath and tell me 3 good things about her. She was as mummed as any one could be when seeing a live lion or snake in front of her. After about 5 minutes all she could say was “Maybe my only good quality I can think of is that I trust people a lot, but this is also a bad habit that I have.”

This is a pattern that I see, hear and feel in most of the people I come across, who start their day, work, life, relations in fact everything with a “I AM NOT” and then they expect things to go in their way. There are certain things in life that we want to move towards and certain things we want to move away from. When a thought of “NOT” is sowed in the mind then how will it focus towards the “CAN”.

Most importantly when someone is born there is nothing called “NOT” that he or she knows and even the people around all they talk about is, “What a beautiful, adorable, cute, etc. etc. child, or smile he or she has.” Even upto 2 years these most common words told to the child. Then comes the myth of “Trouble Twos”, no idea who developed it yet the whole world is following it religiously. Moreover same cute child starts hearing new adjectives as “naughty, satanic, mischievous, aggressive, etc. etc.”

When I did a session with this lady I found that same pattern that she had been hearing people saying things to her and she had started believing them as her own reality. On the contrary, she was the first female of her family who migrated to a new country, had no money and no guidance and very little education. Yet, she setup a business worth millions in less than 5 years. “Imagine, if this is not success, if this tells you that you are not a worthy person, if this means you cannot talk to people and more over if this means you are not good enough, then what is good?” I asked her.

Thoughts and nods started and then there was a complete silence. What do you think? START NEW YEAR BY HELPING HER BREAK HER SILENCE. She is going to read your REPLIES DOWN NOW.

Author, Muhammad Ali is a NLP Trainer, Master Trainer of Body Language & Micro Expressions, Silva Ultramind ESP Instructor, Life & Career Coach.